Jtron3000's Recommendations

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Viewing 1-10 of 35 Items

White Turtleneck Sweaters

First to recommend

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Dear Unsuspecting Girl,

Sorry.

I found your picture on Flickr, copied it and posted it on ThisNext.

If it is of any consequence of the 650 results that came up when I searched “white turtleneck sweater,” you were by far the hottest.

It should be noted your competition was 400 pics of a slutty fat girl and some cross dressers.

Still. Be proud.

Updated Aug 28, 2008

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Bow Tie for Cats

First to recommend

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Now if only he came with a little bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Your night would be complete ladies, am I right?

Oh, the loneliness.

This collar could be a cute, but temporary, distraction from your sense of overwhelming of despair, if only it were in stock.

You aren’t getting any younger, you know.

Updated Aug 26, 2008

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The 1982 Broadway cast of Cats

First to recommend

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Everybody knows Cats was once the longest-running musical on Broadway with 6,138 consecutive performances.

What not everyone knows is that over 2,000 of those shows occurred within the first year of the production’s opening.

The 1982 cast did so much meth and snorted so much coke that they used to perform the show upwards of 12 times a day, usually without an audience

True Story: Mr. Mistofolees once went on a 36 hour bender in which he performed the opening dance number for the second act an astounding 77 times in a row before the other Jellicle cats tried to intervene.

Long story short, Jellylorum ended up in the ICU with his jaw in pieces, literally in pieces. The doctor on call that night said he had to put the thing back together like a jigsaw puzzle.

It took 6 (count'em 6) Jellicle cats to pull Mistofolees off of him.

Updated Aug 27, 2008

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Pretty Kitty Vinyl Car Window Decal

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Let's be honest.

If you own this, or have any interest in purchasing this...

1) You never actually leave the house.

2) You don't own a car.

Believe me. You can get into a lot of trouble for trying to stick this onto the side of a bus.

Updated Aug 28, 2008

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Shoes for Cats

First to recommend

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If you've ever seen a girl walking a small dog wearing shoes and thought to yourself, "Man, I really want to be more obnoxious than her, but I just don't know how."

Look no further!

Don your best brightly colored monochromatic velveteen tracksuit. Grab that oversized LV print bag or the Dooney & Bourke version (if you're poor). Slip into those Uggs, and strap these on to the soles of your unsuspecting feline.

Then, cram that little furball into your purse and go out in public.

Nothing says, "I have no idea what happened at the bar last night," or "Yes, my family has money, but I have no taste" quite like this combination in front of you at a Starbucks on a Sunday morning.

Updated Aug 27, 2008

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Abandoned Baby Whale

First to recommend

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I don't know how many female lactating humpback whales are members on ThisNext.

But, if you happen to be out there and happen to see this, there is a baby whale in Sydney Harbor that desparately needs a new mommy.

Update: Um, Nevermind

Updated Aug 21, 2008

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Jtron3000

First to recommend

2 people recommended this item

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I enjoy reading his recommendations on ThisNext.








They must come from a very empty place.

Updated Aug 26, 2008

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Sinus Rinse Regular Kit

First to recommend

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It's not sexy, but once you try it...

It's like crack.

Do this like once or twice during allergy season.

You'll be good to go.

Updated Aug 19, 2008

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Organic Apple Cider Vinegar, Raw - Unfiltered

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If you take away nothing else from reading my asinine recommendations, let it be this:

Apple Cider Vinegar + Water = Sinus Relief

There are varying recommendations on the amount of water to vinegar you should be drinking.

My experience has always been the more of this you can gag down, the better you will feel. Honestly, I would rather attempt to lick a wolverine than drink this concoction.

But, if you don't feel better within an hour of downing this mixture, my good friend, TwinsMom, has agreed to kill the uglier of her two kindergarten-bound Asian tots.

Trust me. That's a pretty solid guarantee. She really loves those two.

Updated Aug 19, 2008

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DIESEL SWELFUR HOODY

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I really want this. I wish that the American dollar didn't suck so much right now.

In Mexico, I could still be a millionaire.

People would call me 'Senor' there.

Updated Aug 14, 2008

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Viewing 1-10 of 35 Items

Jtron3000

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Excessively handsome, hopelessly pessimistic

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Catcessories

Updated Aug 26, 2008

For that special cat lady in your life... Mr. Mistoffelees and Rum Tum Tugger will never judge your loneliness...

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Sinus Relief

Updated Aug 27, 2008

Stop searching for recommendations on cat sweaters. Pay attention. If I can impart a little wisdom and provide your...

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Music to Save Your Mortal Soul

Updated Aug 15, 2008

Because MTV makes me crave the sweet solace that can only be provided in death, Because I will always call...

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