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When Santa is away, Mrs. Claus has to wait to play.....

from Kiki:

Get hooked on these gorgeously crafted leather restraint cuffs with a chic profile. Brilliant silver accents and a padlock and key closure are made for romantic attachments.

* Doubled construction features slim cuff layered over cuff.
* Buckle closure cuff.
* Silver padlock closure comes with key.
* Attach erotic accessories with clips to silver loops on cuffs.
* For use as accessory or light fantasy play only.

All Kiki De Montparnasse packages include compli-
mentary gift wrapping.

Updated Nov 13, 2008

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Hollywood Exxtreme Cleavage Bra

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2 people recommended this item

Description

For Mile-High Clubbers:
If you came through this way because of the link from the How to Join the Mile-High Club list, great. Nice to have you.

Here's the thing: Ladies, you need to have a great bra on to pull off the Bathroom Badda Bing, Badda Boom on an airplane. Not just for the contortions you will have to twist yourself into but also because of a simple, undeniable fact: Hot people get more breaks. That's right. I said that out loud. Well, typed it. But it's like porn- people don't want to think of ugly people having sex. They don't mind and may even like to think of attractive people enjoying one another's company in a horizontal- or in this case vertical- way. The porn industry will 'back me up' on this.

So wear a good bra. The attendants will be less likely to stop you out of sheer horror. Just a suggestion.
________________________

Aside from bearing witness to what some may prudishly refer to as "a scene" here or there, having 'double dog dares' tossed at you willy nilly after a certain level of inebriation is attained and bailing me out of jail when I attempt to complete the dares you were too much of a sissy to try, there is one main price to pay when out carousing on the town with Yours Truly: I will issue an edict instructing you to remind me to 'lift and separate' every seven minutes. (Note: I'm just asking for a "reminder;" I can handle the manual labor myself.)

I will be referring to my breasts. And I don't take my edicts lightly. Nor should you. I don't care if you're my parish priest- you are not excused from your duties. The 'seven minutes' thing is also non-negotiable. It has been scientifically tested by several friends who hoped to change the timing of the chore to a more leisurely 12-14 minutes. Nope. Seven. Deal with it.

Why? Well it's simple. Cleavage should not look like a plumber's ass crack. It simply should not. Aesthetics must be preserved for a civilized society to function properly. I don't want to look down and offend myself.

I'm a 36DD. Looking back (with my sore neck), I don't recall ever meeting the A, B, or C's on the trip. I just woke up one day at about 14 and tipped over when I got out of bed. We've been wrangling with one another ever since. We're venturing into "too much information" again aren't we? Mea culpa. Next round's on me for your pain and suffering.

There are good days. Some, not so much. Fashion tape? Like chains on Houdini. Useless at this level. Fashion glue? Much, much better but let's face it, there is something about using an odorous product to glue yourself into your lingerie that, frankly, is like kicking puppies. It's just mean. You may know well they won't be getting visitors but it's simply polite to be quiet about it so THEY don't know it. Padlocking the dog toys is just so..... pessimistic.

The exception to all of the above is if I remembered to extract my Frederick's Extreme Cleavage Bra from whatever rafter it was last seen dangling from and wear it. That changes everything.

This is not a bra that is simply about containment. Noooo. This bra is like an agent for breasts, travelling just slightly ahead of you and passing out fabulous, if not entirely accurate, PR material on behalf of your cleavage. "Gather 'round, next show starting soon," it whispers......

And it does so much more. It lifts, it separates, it negotiates tight corners, it files my taxes on time, it makes me smarter and wittier and .... well ok maybe not the last few. But if there was a bra that COULD? It would be this one.

When I die, make sure they bury me with my XXX bra on. That's all I'm trying to say. St. Paul will get pissy if he has to remind me every seven minutes for Eternity to lift and separate.

Updated Aug 14, 2008

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Sexy Santa Set

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I love the outfit. I'm not enthralled with the catchphrase "skong." It diverts my mind from the deviant depths it was crawling towards and fills it with images of a giant ape and a little Italian man jumping over barrels....

Updated Nov 13, 2008

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Night Porter Romper: Kiki De Montparnasse

First to recommend

2 people recommended this item

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Black. Like Coal.

That's what you get if you've been naughty....

from the site:

Striking and sensual, this silk chiffon wrap-style romper features dramatic proportions edged in tonal satin for a dark glamour.

* Wraparound construction.
* Self tie in satin.
* Flared sleeves.
* Satin trim at collar, cuffs and hem.

All Kiki De Montparnasse packages include compli-
mentary gift wrapping.

Updated Nov 13, 2008

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Silver Celtic Sex Ring

First to recommend

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No peeking at your presents....

From the Site:

Explore sensual boundaries with this exquisitely crafted blindfold. Delicate French lace is finished with shimmering hand-beaded accents and rich satin.

* Hand-beaded French lace.
* Satin tie closure.
* Semi-sheer.

Updated Nov 13, 2008

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Holidays '08: Have Yourself a Very Sexy Christmas - a list by tatorandtots

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