Just a few childhood traumas - a list by 3KB

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About this list:

I figured that if Fashion Kitty could be courageous enough to let us in on some of her childhood traumas, then I should see if I could be strong enough to share some of mine. So here they are, some of the things that have left me scarred for life.

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Del Monte Chopped Spinach

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I was ruined at an early age on this one. My dad forced me to eat spinach, despite my objections. It didn't even come close to staying down. To this day, I still can't stand the sight, or smell of spinach. Just looking at the picture of the can makes me want to gag. But it didn't stop there. That experience carried over to all green vegetables. If I see or smell green veggies, I get nauseous. Especially if they are cooked.

Updated Mar 18, 2008

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Consort For Men Hair Spray

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I don't ever wanna see a can of this stuff again. I'm sure it's a little different now. But back when no one gave a damn about the ozone & global warming, my dad use to use this stuff on me & my brother.

Every Sunday he'd stand us back to back in the bathroom and laminate our hair with this stuff. Had to keep your eyes closed or the stuff would burn your eyes. You couldn't open your mouth or it would get on your tongue. And you had to hold your nose shut or you'd inhale it and the stuff would prevent your lungs from expanding. So, there we'd stand, holding our breath in a dense fog of Consort hairspray.

Oh, because we were standing in a cloud of it, it got all over our face. You could feel it harden on your skin, and your face wouldn't move. It was like an aerosol form of Botox.

Ugh.

Updated Mar 18, 2008

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Toughskins

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Nothing has scarred me like Toughskins jeans. If you were a boy and your parents took you to Sears, you knew you were getting Toughskins. What child hating, super villain thought these "jeans" were a good idea? A cotton, polyester and nylon combo does NOT make jeans!

And then they were the freakin' reinforced knees. Some genius felt the need to sew in knees patches. I'm not sure what that material was. Some type of Kevlar & steel plated armor hybrid. I guess I was protected from being shot in the knees.

If you were a husky kid, which I was, they allowed you too advertise that by placing the word HUSKY right on the tag. Just in case the other kids couldn't tell, you were there to point that out. Thanks Sears & Toughskins.

I don't hate Toughskins...I fear them. It's Sears that I hate. People feared the Frankenstein monster, but they hated it's creator, Dr. Frankenstein.

They started making these horrible things again in the 90s. When I heard the news I ended up in a corner, in the fetal position. Parents, never, ever, eeeevvvveeeerrr buy your kids Toughskins.

Well, that was cathartic and cheaper than therapy.

Updated Mar 18, 2008

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KOA Kampgrounds

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It wasn't KOA Kampgrounds that scarred me, I'm sure they are great people. It was the actual camping that did it. We had one of those small, pop-up campers. It was made to fit 4 people. When we went on vacations it was my mom, my dad, my brother, me...and my aunt & uncle. Do you see the math already?! Of course my little brother and I couldn't sleep in the camper. Nope, we slept in the "Add A Room". Room my ass, it was a freakin' tarp held up by metal poles. At best it was a large tent. Sleeping on an air mattress, on ground that is severely inclined just sucks.

Then there were meals. My dad is not necessarily a good griller. He tends to char everything, to the point where it disintegrates in your mouth. "Gee, dad, that was great. Can I have another soot burger, please?"

Pretending to be homeless was not, and is not, my idea of a vacation.

Updated Mar 18, 2008

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Sliding Glass Patio Doors

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I went through several glass doors as a kid. One of those times I ran straight through my grandparents sliding glass doors. I'm not really sure what the issue was, I just went through a lot of doors.

While not emotional, I definitely have the physical scars to back up these claims.

Updated Mar 18, 2008

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A Christmas Story

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Oh- how can a movie capture every kid's childhood memories so perfectly? There are too many hilarious quotes to name in A Christmas Story. Gotta watch it every year. FRA-GEE-LAY.

Updated Dec 4, 2006

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