A Suck-Free Valentine's Day - a list by FancyPants

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About this list:

The most overrated "holiday" EVER. Bar none. Here's how to have a nice time, without emotionally blackmailing your loved ones for pricey symbols of affection.

Qualifications:

Girlfriend of the Year, 2007

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Viewing 1-10 of 47 Items

Not-So-Nice Candy Heart Stickers

First to recommend

Description

Those candy hearts for Valentine's Day always tasted gross to me... even as a child I would pass on the sugary confections for a serving of paste, or crayon, or paint chip... anyway, I digress...

These little stickers have the phrases you wish you could say, but etiquette and karma prevent you from verbalizing.

"Not if you were the last person on Earth"
"Need love? Get a pet"

Poignant, snarky, funny... just how I like my Valentine's Day.

Updated Feb 6, 2008

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"LOVE STINKS" SOAP

First to recommend

Description

Love can sometimes stink... in fact love can sometimes be rank, putrid, rotten and (running out of synonyms....) gross.

But YOU don't have to. Enter the Love Stinks soap. Wear your bitterness on your sleeve and a fresh scent on your hands.

Updated Feb 6, 2008

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Heart Flask

7 people recommended this item

Description

If there is anything that Valentine's Day makes me crave- it's a drink.

Updated Dec 29, 2008

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Learning to Love You More

First to recommend

3 people recommended this item

Description

I love Miranda July (Me, You & Everyone We Know).

This book epitomizes my "all you need is love" mantra. It's full of introspective, karmic building exercises: 1)write your life story in one day, 2)give past some advice...

Cause some self-love is always a good thing.

Updated Jan 31, 2008

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Red Lips Bath Pillows

First to recommend

Description

If you have no love on Valentine's Day- don't sweat it... but if you're really upset about it...

Run a hot bath, drink a chocolate martini and rest your melon on this bath pillow... and know that those are the only lips that will be touching you... sorry.

Updated Jan 31, 2008

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World's Largest Heart

3 people recommended this item

Description

If you have $18 to burn and a hankering to buy your date the most grandiose, fluffy token of affection- try the jumbo heart.

For everyone else- giggling is fine.

Updated Jan 31, 2008

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Hot Lips Phone

13 people recommended this item

Description

This is such an adorable phone shaped like lips. Very modern. Reminds me of the hamburger phone in "Juno."

Updated Aug 11, 2008

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I Heart U Pillowcase Set

First to recommend

2 people recommended this item

Description

For someone so devoted to a Suck-Free Valentine's Day- these are so money.

These probably might scare off your casual bedmate- but nice for a long-term love.

Updated Jan 31, 2008

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Safe Hit Condom Caddy

First to recommend

2 people recommended this item

Description

Condoms are a no-brainer nowadays, but gosh are the packages ugly. Frankly, I have no desire to have a hideous gray box cramp my style at the Pink Palace (my little cottage house). These little cases have little double entendre phrases "Safe Hit" and are cute enough to stash in your purse or just leave on the night stand.

Updated Jan 4, 2008

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Organic Bouquet Wreath, Rose Heart

First to recommend

Description

If you're going to send flowers for Valentine's Day at least give the recipient the satisfaction of having sustainably grown, organic arrangements...
Card suggestion?

Because I Heart the Earth More Than You.
Have a Suck-Free Valentine's Day.
-FancyPants

Updated Jan 24, 2008

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Viewing 1-10 of 47 Items

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Lists

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The Not-So-Subtle Hint List

Updated Jul 9, 2008

It sure beats leaving magazines with marker circles around the house.

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Bathroom Bonanza

Updated Jun 27, 2008

Shopping for bathroom decor is one of my favorite capricious pastimes... the fluffy towels, bathrobes, shower...

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Lent: 40 Days of Not So Much Fun

Updated Feb 6, 2008

I'm a lifelong Catholic... which means I'm not a very good one. I've given up giving things up for Lent that (to me at...

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Under My Umbrella

Updated May 22, 2008

I love the rain... I love the smell, the taste, the temperature... If I could move to Seattle in a little apartment next to...

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