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Dearest Chef's Choice Meat Slicer,
I've always known I was attracted to dangerous types. But, you sharp thing you, it's the comfort you bring to my life that has made me cherish you: Each morning when I awake and am greeted by your perfectly sliced cured meats and cheeses I thank my lucky stars for the day we met. It was Christmas, remember? You looked so glamorous in head-to-toe silver, all done up in a red bow and that becoming sheath of butcher paper. When I learned about how practical you were, all easy-clean stainless steel, my interest was piqued. But it wasn't until I learned how, ahem, acrobatic you were (Varitilt! Ooh la la!) that I knew we were meant to be.

You are more than just any old "Chef's Choice," Mr. Meat Slicer, you are my choice, and, for this, I cherish you.

Yours,
Alyson