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For Mile-High Clubbers:
If you came through this way because of the link from the How to Join the Mile-High Club list, great. Nice to have you.

Here's the thing: Ladies, you need to have a great bra on to pull off the Bathroom Badda Bing, Badda Boom on an airplane. Not just for the contortions you will have to twist yourself into but also because of a simple, undeniable fact: Hot people get more breaks. That's right. I said that out loud. Well, typed it. But it's like porn- people don't want to think of ugly people having sex. They don't mind and may even like to think of attractive people enjoying one another's company in a horizontal- or in this case vertical- way. The porn industry will 'back me up' on this.

So wear a good bra. The attendants will be less likely to stop you out of sheer horror. Just a suggestion.
________________________

Aside from bearing witness to what some may prudishly refer to as "a scene" here or there, having 'double dog dares' tossed at you willy nilly after a certain level of inebriation is attained and bailing me out of jail when I attempt to complete the dares you were too much of a sissy to try, there is one main price to pay when out carousing on the town with Yours Truly: I will issue an edict instructing you to remind me to 'lift and separate' every seven minutes. (Note: I'm just asking for a "reminder;" I can handle the manual labor myself.)

I will be referring to my breasts. And I don't take my edicts lightly. Nor should you. I don't care if you're my parish priest- you are not excused from your duties. The 'seven minutes' thing is also non-negotiable. It has been scientifically tested by several friends who hoped to change the timing of the chore to a more leisurely 12-14 minutes. Nope. Seven. Deal with it.

Why? Well it's simple. Cleavage should not look like a plumber's ass crack. It simply should not. Aesthetics must be preserved for a civilized society to function properly. I don't want to look down and offend myself.

I'm a 36DD. Looking back (with my sore neck), I don't recall ever meeting the A, B, or C's on the trip. I just woke up one day at about 14 and tipped over when I got out of bed. We've been wrangling with one another ever since. We're venturing into "too much information" again aren't we? Mea culpa. Next round's on me for your pain and suffering.

There are good days. Some, not so much. Fashion tape? Like chains on Houdini. Useless at this level. Fashion glue? Much, much better but let's face it, there is something about using an odorous product to glue yourself into your lingerie that, frankly, is like kicking puppies. It's just mean. You may know well they won't be getting visitors but it's simply polite to be quiet about it so THEY don't know it. Padlocking the dog toys is just so..... pessimistic.

The exception to all of the above is if I remembered to extract my Frederick's Extreme Cleavage Bra from whatever rafter it was last seen dangling from and wear it. That changes everything.

This is not a bra that is simply about containment. Noooo. This bra is like an agent for breasts, travelling just slightly ahead of you and passing out fabulous, if not entirely accurate, PR material on behalf of your cleavage. "Gather 'round, next show starting soon," it whispers......

And it does so much more. It lifts, it separates, it negotiates tight corners, it files my taxes on time, it makes me smarter and wittier and .... well ok maybe not the last few. But if there was a bra that COULD? It would be this one.

When I die, make sure they bury me with my XXX bra on. That's all I'm trying to say. St. Paul will get pissy if he has to remind me every seven minutes for Eternity to lift and separate.

Updated Aug 14, 2008

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Framed Scarlet Patent Bag

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I'm a sucker for pretty shiny things. This scarlet bag would like great on your arm this holiday season or, at less than $50, make a great gift.

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Bow-Neck Dress

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Double-Buckle Open-Toe Pump

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These would be great with yummy red toenails....

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Silk Charmeuse Tie-Neck Top in Six Colors

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Available in six lovely colors (Save $20 on each when you buy two or more of these $59 tops), this is such a versatile piece. Perfect for cocktail parties, office wear, weddings...... It's a great go-to top to have in your wardrobe.

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Issey Miyake L'Eau d'Issey

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5 people recommended this item

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In life, I like to see, taste, feel and explore everything and anything I can get my hands on.

But when it comes to what fragrances go on my body during those adventures, I am a creature of habit.

Issey Miyake's L'Eau d'issey is one of only two scents that I wear.

Had my introduction to it been contingent upon the description of undertones on its box, I might never have tried it. I tend to gravitate toward darker, exotic and primal scents, a preference which leads me to conclude that parts of me were left back in a cave somewhere when evolution came calling (a theory which, as an aside, explains several other things about me. I shall save those for later. You can exhale now. I'm done sharing my issues for today).

Miyake's fragrance has enough musk and other things to carry out "erotic exotic" but had I glanced at the chorus line of floral scents before smelling it my nose would have kept on moving down the line. I usually don't do things like Carnation in life or in scents.

As it happened, I was standing in an international airport Duty Free shop when a woman with a feisty haircut, fantastic heels and a good 6 inches of height over me walked up next to me, picked up the sample, raised one arm up high with the bottle and, while holding her shirt open and exposing her (my guess? La Perla) balconette bra, doused us both with it. Then walked away. I admire a woman with fragrance cojones like that. Even when she sprays my eye.

At any rate, my hetero-girl-girl airport crush aside, other people loved the fragrance as well. Of course I bought my first bottle right there at the airport, still squinting with one eye. I received more compliments from strangers (four women in that airport alone stopped me to ask what I was wearing) that one afternoon after having been sprayed upside the head than ever before on a scent. And I loved it myself. I really, really loved it.

Many years later, I still do. That is why it is one of only two fragrances you will ever catch me wearing. If, of course, you can catch me at all ; )~

Lotus, Freesia, Cyclamen, Rose Water, Fresh Peonies, Carnation, White Lilies, Precious Woods, Osmanthus, Tuberose, Amberseed, Musk.