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Passive Aggressive Father's Day Gifts - a list by tatorandtots
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About this list:
Childish? I know you are but what am I? Whether you know a dad with a frat boy humor (umm... does ANYONE know one without??) or are a divorcee looking to be the bigger, better person and celebrate F Day with a gift for someone who might not deserve a new set of golf clubs, there just might be something appearing on this list for you. And no, I didn't get left for a younger woman, lol. Just havin' a laugh...
Qualifications:
Evil sense of humor. Mostly harmless.
Father's Day Cards (NobleWorksCards)
First to recommend
Description
Funny stuff. Something here has to tickle your funny bone....
Updated Jun 12, 2008
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80's Cube Clock
17 people recommended this item
Description
At least this one I can figure out....
A great gift for someone with childish inclinations who is always running late!
Updated Jul 23, 2008
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{Dad, I hope I didn't drive you to drink.} >Ecard from Hipster Cards
First to recommend
Description
From highball hilarity to lowbrow mundanity, Hipstercards.com is your one stop shop for online missives.
Updated Jun 13, 2008
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{U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi} card | JunkMail Greetings
First to recommend
Description
An all-time favorite site.
Updated Jun 13, 2008
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ecards for father's day
First to recommend
Description
when you care enough to hit send....
GREAT collection of hysterical Father's Day e-cards
Updated Jun 13, 2008
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"You Smell Like Bull Shit" UGLY LITTLE BITCH MINTS
First to recommend
Description
I've just finished riding an emotional retail roller coaster and had too much caffeine. What this means for you is that I will share the past 3 minutes of my life- all of which were quite disturbing in hindsight- because I'm too strung-out to realize there's no way I can come off well in this tale. What I DO know is that I feel an intense urge to go to church and apologize for ... well, you'll see in a second.
So I'm trolling the Perpetual Kid site when what to my wondering eyes does appear but the little brown tin up above there. Important little info nugget: I am not wearing my glasses. I should be. As you will see shortly.
Here is what happened next. Send your children out of the room if they can see the screen.
Squinting, I leaned toward the computer and misread the tin to be:
"You Smell Like Ball Sweat."
This is where it gets troubling.
I yelped- an actual YELP, yes- with glee. Why? No idea. I have no sentimental attachment to ball sweat. I have not been 'in the market' for any product with that essence. I have, in fact, no reason that I can imagine to be interested in ANYTHING to do with ball sweat. I'm also a grown-up. And, worst of all, THE MOTHER OF THREE CHILDREN.
Yet I yelped with glee. This will haunt me for years to come. Trust me. I'm Irish Catholic after all.
Anyway, I'll skip the psychoanalysis (you're probably thinking the psycho should be in CAPS, aren't ya....) and simply say that when I discovered it did not, in fact, say Ball Sweat I felt a wave of sincere disappointment. In the "Santa didn't bring me a puppy" way. I was sad for, like, 12 seconds. Sincerely sad.
Then I gave myself a pep talk. Took another look at the whole situation and decided to put on a brave face, refresh the page and try and approach it with a positive attitude. And you know what? In doing so, I actually found that "You Smell Like Bull Shit" was pretty damn funny for a tin of mints. I mean, it's no "ball sweat" obviously but still. Not bad.
So there ya go. Bet you're feeling a bit better about yourself now aren't you? If I can't be a good example to you then let me at least serve as a horrible warning.....
_____________________
UPDATE!!!!
Ok. Something just happened that does not surprise me at all. It's quite typical actually. Which explains why I need a cocktail or four at the end of many of my days.
Sigh. Here goes:
I left the above review EIGHT minutes ago. Then popped over to hotmail to have a look at my porn spam. Literally AS I WAS WRITING IT (the review, not the porn spam, just to be clear....), as I was going ON AND ON about how devastated I was to discover this product was not actually in any way associated with ball sweat, someone else was taking the time to send ME an email best summarized by the paragraph I will now cut and paste for you:
"Giving back
At age 16, Melvin Satterfield was homeless. Now, more than 30 years later, the Columbus, Ohio, furniture craftsman operates a highly rated business and mentors young people who are facing hard times."
Frankly, I feel like Jesus just phished my hotmail account with the "soul" (note misspelling- an attempt to make dumb pun that only highlights further why Satan will one day be my eternal boyfriend) purpose of cyber-backhanding me.
Really, there is no possible way I can compete in a comparison of the concurrent usage of time there. Pointless ball sweat rant vs homeless kid-turned-mentor inspirational email? I bet hell is going to smell like ball sweat. That would be my luck.
Updated Jun 30, 2008
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Astrology for Alcoholics
First to recommend
Description
Modern Drunkard magazine takes a swing at the stars. The result is blog candy for posting on social sites.
According to it, my drink- in case you're ever buying- is "exotic concoctions dreamt up by madmen."
It's as if they really DO know me...
Updated Jul 2, 2008
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Adopt a Donkey
2 people recommended this item
Description
I'd like to state for the record that I did not come online tonight to buy a donkey.
However, there are a few phrases in life that I have discovered I can't resist.
"He is a very mischievous donkey" is one of them.
So may I introduce my new donkey, Oscar to you. Yes. I paid 15 pounds to adopt a donkey. Yes, I realize I will never hear the end of this. No, you may not pet my donkey. Go adopt your own.
**For a few extra quid, get the DVD of your donkey so you can show him off to your friends. Or just stare at him and air pet him. Whichever. (via AVerte)
Updated Aug 7, 2008
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Pittsburgh Steelers Women's Thong
First to recommend
Description
That special time of year if fast approaching when men switch to their fall exercise regime. Namely, adjusting themselves on the couch (1calorie per, FYI. I googled it) and upping their intake of carbs and light beer.
If your guy tends to associate fantasy with football or answers "Thanks baby but the one I've got is still cold" when you purr, "I think I've got something you want" it's time to pull out the hidden arsenal (please don't miss that pun) of football skivvies.
Updated Aug 7, 2008
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Boy Butter
First to recommend
Description
If you came to this particular rec from the Entertainment tag link, you may be expecting to find something that sings or dances here. Or assume I'm touting masturbation as the best way to have a little fun this Friday night. Nope. I'm tagging this "entertainment" not for the obvious reasons but rather because I'm going to tell you a little secret.
I entertain myself by purposefully leaving weird and (I believe) wonderful items in my downstairs guest bathroom for the sole purpose of seeing who looks in the cabinet. Believe me, I can tell the moment people walk back into the room. It's hard to hide a smirk after an unexpected man spackle discovery. This entertains me.
Yes. I know. I have issues. They are covered in my posts all over thisNext.
So I recommend Boy Butter for that purpose. It has..ahem... alternate uses as well. I think I'll let the site describe one of those.....
____________________________________
Working "tirelessly around the clock," Boy Butter™ has developed an outstanding personal lubricant that is sure to make "all your troubles melt away." This silky and completely odorless cream is made from "farm fresh, 100% Grade A Boy Butter™," or more specifically, coconut oil blended with organic silicone.
The oil herein is mainly used in massage products, while the organic silicone is usually found in hair conditioners. When these two ingredients are combined and left to homogenize (just like real butter), this wonderful product is the result. "Rigorously tested, re-tested, and tested again," Boy Butter™ will outlast most other silicone-based lubricants and wash off with water alone.
This water soluble mixture means no more stains on fabrics or surfaces and no soap required for clean up. Totally safe on rubber, glass, and silicone-based toys, the cream is great for masturbation, anal, and some limited vaginal sex, while also being an excellent addition to any SM play. Although it is not latex compatible, polyurethane condoms are recommended. With a three-year shelf life that requires no refrigeration, Boy Butter™ is "perfect for maximizing the pleasure of some of your favorite pastimes and hobbies."
Updated Aug 7, 2008
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