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Accoutrements for an Early Mid-Life Crisis - a list by tatorandtots
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About this list:
From the dictionary: A crisis (plural: crises): an unstable and dangerous social situation. I am SO DUE for a "get out of jail free card" to use in dangerous social situations of my own creation. Perhaps the theme should be "S.O.S.": Slut off Sabbatical. Who knows. All I know is that I'm 37 and in the mood to raise a little hell. I'll be packing the things on this list in a flame-retardant picnic basket for the adventure. Grab a great bra and join me.
Qualifications:
I can rock cleavage better than girls half my age. Bring it.
Chrysler Town & Country Black Jack
First to recommend
Description
Not your momma's minivan. Unless yo' momma is really fricking cool.
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Chrysler Town & Country Black Jack review:
Designers:
Marc A Reisen, Designer – Product Design Office and Liz Glance, Senior Designer – Product Design Office
The Chrysler Town & Country Black Jack draws its inspiration from the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas - a dominant and enigmatic presence on the Strip. Massive, dark and simple in shape and design, the icon casts a shadow over the surrounding properties.
It sits on custom one-off 20-in. wheels with new bright finishes built by Alcoa Forged. They are tucked around a set of Brembo SRT brakes, matched with an adjusted ride height. Its stance is sophisticated, yet approachable. Covered in a custom Amber-Black Pearl paint, the hood features a ghosted "Black Jack" logo and pin stripe provided by Jim-Tech. Chrome accents complement the billet-style grill.
The exterior was designed to draw people to the stunning inside. LED lighting, provided by OSRAM-Sylvania Group, was crucial to the application of Las Vegas allure. To give it an "after hours lounge bar" setting and atmosphere of light and shade, the team created dual panoramic-style roof openings. After relocating the gas tank, light-sensitive "scintilla" provided by Sensitile was used. Constructed of 100 percent acrylic, Scintilla transforms the way in which the surface interacts with interior lighting. The scintilla actually illuminates the players` "field."
A leather- wrapped curved bench replaces the third-row seats. Providing "rat pack" and "rat rod" influence, the passenger seats are wrapped by Katzkin, and feature Vogl satin black leather, custom embroidery. Seat inserts feature perforated suede with silver backing and a suede headliner. The centered dealer`s seat required removal of the second-row pilot seats. The "black jack" table is constructed of light-weight carbon fiber. Creating seamless construction, it`s bolted to the translucent center mount that flows into the translucent floor. The adjustable lighting and table placement contribute to the players` comfort.
Azentec and KICKER brought a "bada bing" to the interior. The entertainment system features two KICKER Audio 10-in. L7 sub woofers tied to a 1250-watt amplifier. Two pairs of 6-in. speakers and a four-channel 700-4 amplifier provide the "boom" factor. The rear-mounted 37-in. LCD flat screen and two 7-in. overhead monitors are connected to three hidden overhead digital cameras so there are "eyes" on the dealer`s and players` hands. The Azentec head unit – the Atlas 1000 – serves as a high-powered laptop radio head unit. Windows XP provides adaptability and capability for wireless internet, Bluetooth, cell phone, navigation system and personal PC – putting the Black Jack on the forefront of in-car entertainment.
With QEK Integrated Fleet Services providing support during the Town & Country Black Jack build, this "slow roller" is sure to turn heads on the Strip.
End of Chrysler Town & Country Black Jack review.
Updated Jul 16, 2008
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Boy Butter
First to recommend
Description
If you came to this particular rec from the Entertainment tag link, you may be expecting to find something that sings or dances here. Or assume I'm touting masturbation as the best way to have a little fun this Friday night. Nope. I'm tagging this "entertainment" not for the obvious reasons but rather because I'm going to tell you a little secret.
I entertain myself by purposefully leaving weird and (I believe) wonderful items in my downstairs guest bathroom for the sole purpose of seeing who looks in the cabinet. Believe me, I can tell the moment people walk back into the room. It's hard to hide a smirk after an unexpected man spackle discovery. This entertains me.
Yes. I know. I have issues. They are covered in my posts all over thisNext.
So I recommend Boy Butter for that purpose. It has..ahem... alternate uses as well. I think I'll let the site describe one of those.....
____________________________________
Working "tirelessly around the clock," Boy Butter™ has developed an outstanding personal lubricant that is sure to make "all your troubles melt away." This silky and completely odorless cream is made from "farm fresh, 100% Grade A Boy Butter™," or more specifically, coconut oil blended with organic silicone.
The oil herein is mainly used in massage products, while the organic silicone is usually found in hair conditioners. When these two ingredients are combined and left to homogenize (just like real butter), this wonderful product is the result. "Rigorously tested, re-tested, and tested again," Boy Butter™ will outlast most other silicone-based lubricants and wash off with water alone.
This water soluble mixture means no more stains on fabrics or surfaces and no soap required for clean up. Totally safe on rubber, glass, and silicone-based toys, the cream is great for masturbation, anal, and some limited vaginal sex, while also being an excellent addition to any SM play. Although it is not latex compatible, polyurethane condoms are recommended. With a three-year shelf life that requires no refrigeration, Boy Butter™ is "perfect for maximizing the pleasure of some of your favorite pastimes and hobbies."
Updated Aug 7, 2008
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The Technology of Orgasm: "Hysteria," the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction
First to recommend
Description
Based on a Johns Hopkins study... leave this book on your coffee table and you are bound to encounter stimulating conversations....
An excerpt from Amazon:
"For centuries, women diagnosed with "hysteria"--a "disease paradigm," in Rachel P. Maines's felicitous phrase, thought to result from a lack of sexual intercourse or gratification--were treated by massaging their genitals in order to induce "paroxysm." Male physicians, however, considered the practice drudgery, and sought various ways of avoiding the task, often foisting it off on midwives or, starting in the late 19th century, employing mechanical devices...."
FROM PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
It will surprise most readers to learn that the vibrator was invented in the late 1880s as a time-saving device for physicians, who had been treating women's "hysteria" for years with clitoral massage. Denying the sexual nature of the treatments, doctors instead saw the technique as a burdensome chore and welcomed electric devices that would shorten patients' visits. Maines, an independent scholar in the history of technology, presents a straightforward account of the mechanism from its beginning through the 1920s, when it came into disrepute as a medical instrument. Going far beyond a mere summary of therapeutic advances, however, she wryly chronicles the attitude toward women's sexuality in the medical and psychological professions and shows, with searing insight, how some ancient biases are still prevalent in our society. Maines's writing is lively and entertaining, and her research is exhaustive, drawing on texts from Hippocrates to the present day. Proving her point about how women's sexuality is still perceived as an unapproachable subject in some quarters, Maines describes her travails in vibrator historiography, including the loss of her teaching position at Clarkson University. A pioneering and important book, this window into social and technological history also provides a marvelously clear view of contemporary ideas about women's sexuality.
Updated Jul 1, 2008
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g=98 Thin Leg Warmers
First to recommend
Description
Very retro erotic.
We've come a long way from Luv's Baby Soft and Aqua Net ladies..... Be sure to check out all the delicious colors these come in.
From the site:
___________
The comfort of silk, the feel of cashmere, and the coolness of linen. Naturally sensual thin leg warmers made from recycled pine fibers and designed with a simple and sexy touch. You'll never want to take off these leg warmers! And we'll understand - it fits you like the softest glove with just enough stretch to keep you comfortable all day.
Updated Aug 8, 2008
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Blue glitter! pistol
First to recommend
Description
Ohhh my my, I wish I didn't always want what I don't need. I feel a craving coming on....
Updated Jul 16, 2008
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Las Vegas Beer Pong Table
First to recommend
3 people recommended this item
Description
The less age-appropriate it is for you to own, the better I say.
They also do custom tables.
Updated Jul 16, 2008
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Kickin it Tee
First to recommend
Description
It's like a stiletto roundhouse kick across your chest. Cool.
Updated Jul 16, 2008
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spidercamp Offensive Stuffed Bunnies
First to recommend
Description
As featured in Playgirl (which you KNOW makes 'em cool, lol).....
I just ordered the Black C*ck Bunny for my desk because.... well, if THAT isn't a conversation piece I just give up.
Read what trendhunter had to say. And remind me to use "bitchcakes" more often.
From trendhunter:
These are not your typical cutesy felt bunnies for children. These are shocking, uncensored creations by SpiderCamp who wishes to “personally celebrate my right as a grownup to use all sorts of words. If this idea sets you on fire and you would like to tell me how my using the word ‘bitchcakes’ or whatever made you cry yourself to sleep, go for it! “ So there.
In her Etsy shop, there are weird, lopsided button-eyed bunnies with words sewn on their bellies. Yes, some of these words are swear words. But there is also a category called bunnies with diseases which includes the plague and PMS ones shown here. There are also cheeky bunnies like “Big Butts”. Spidercamp is definitely an artisan who makes a strong social statement.
Updated Jul 17, 2008
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Jenga Truth or Dare Game
First to recommend
Description
A fun take on an old favorite that would be a great drinking game, bachelorette party game, etc. I like that you can add your own on the blank blocks....
* Pick a red block and you'll have a dare to perform
* Pick a green and you'll have to tell the truth
* Add your own truths or dares to the plain blocks
Updated Jul 17, 2008
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Eleven Eleven Wallets
First to recommend
Description
Diva-licious.
Mine. It's all mine now.
Thank God I actually need a wallet. For once I won't have to do the Walk of Shame away from the computer after random, casual purchasing.
Updated Aug 8, 2008
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